Mistakes
by L.B.Dreamer5914
Summary: He was a coward. He was a coward for not telling her, for not dealing with her rejection, for not being able to handle her fear when she found out… ONE-SHOT. Companion to The Half Life.


_**Mistakes**_

**By: L. B. Dreamer5914**

**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Twilight **_**or any of Stephenie Meyer's wonderful characters.**

**Author's Note and warning: This is a companion piece to **_**The Half Life**_**. It won't make much sense if you haven't read the story, so if you're new to my writing I encourage you to check out THL first! Also just a warning – Embry drops an f-bomb this time around, and there's a fair bit of swearing involved…**

By the time he made it to his apartment, he was sure that his heart had suffered irrevocable damage. Claire's expression kept playing over and over again in his mind, like a broken record set to torture him. Those blue eyes had been filled with tears and anger when he'd turned and walked away, but damn it, he'd done what he had to.

The last time he had cried had been the day he'd let her go. Fifteen years without a single tear shed. Fifteen years knowing that what he was doing was for the best. She'd been a child then, a beautiful perfect child who he had loved, but now…

Now she was a woman. A strong, capable, beautiful, damn near perfect woman who was his other half. Who completed him in every single way. Leaving her had been the equivalent to tearing out his heart with a steak knife.

He stumbled blindly into the apartment, shoving the door open a little too roughly, the wolf in him taking over in a reaction to the pain. The screen door fell away from the hinges, but he didn't stop moving.

Quil finally collapsed on the couch, hands tightened into fists. He didn't want to run. No, no this time. He'd run last time. He'd let the wind take him. But she was still here. He could _feel_ her still, in his bones, in his blood, and he couldn't run away from her anymore than he could stop breathing.

But he'd seen her face… damn it, he'd seen her face. She hadn't been ready, no matter what she said. He'd seen the panic in her expression, seen the fear.

She was right though, he was a coward. He was a coward for not telling her, for not dealing with her rejection, for not being able to handle her fear when she found out…

Embry was humming when he walked into the room. Quil fought the urge to take him by the throat and throw him against a wall.

The humming came to an abrupt half when he was finally noticed. Quil was sure he was a sight to see. Over six feet tall, over thirty years old, and holding back tears, eyes rimmed with red.

Behind Embry, Jacob's eyes flew open in shock, and he pushed their friend aside to crouch immediately beside Quil.

"Quil?! What the hell happened, man? Are you alright?"

"Shit!" Embry snapped out of his silence now. "Claire? Did something happen to Claire?"

The sound of her name was like a knife to the gut, and he clenched his teeth so tight his jaw went numb, banging his head against the wall. _Damn_. It was harder than he had thought it would be.

"Speak you idiot!" Embry slapped him on the shoulder, "Did something happen to her?"

Of course Embry, of all people, would know that this kind of a reaction could only be brought on an imprint. It was almost ironic, Quil thought, that most of his friends' concern was actually wasn't for him but for Claire.

Somehow, she'd woven her way into all of their hearts.

"She knows," he managed to choke out at last, just before Jacob slammed him against a wall and demanded answers. After Bella had left, Jacob had become somewhat of an emotional void, but the worry was clearly written across his face now, right alongside the impatience.

As Quil's two words sunk in, his eyes widened. "She knows?" He repeated. "You mean about the… about… she knows about the pack?"

He wished they would shut up and stop asking questions he didn't want to answer. Quil's gaze fell on the back door, but Embry seemed to sense his sudden claustrophobia, because he cut off that escape route quickly. Quil considered phasing and then running, but Jake was fast and Embry was damn good sprinter… it wouldn't take long for them to catch up.

"Not all of it, but the basic idea."

"You told her?" Jacob's face was guarded, and Quil knew him well enough to see he was torn between congratulating Quil for having finally spoken up and asking just how badly it went.

"No," Quil shook his head, "no, not me."

Embry crossed his arms. "Then who? No one in the pack would have said a word. Sam's orders…"

"Natalia." He couldn't help the glare he gave Embry.

His friend's face was etched in shock. "What?! But I didn't say anything to her."

Jacob put his hand on Embry's shoulder, "It must have been the rumors. You know how people in Forks love to talk. Claire probably just asked her what she'd heard, and Natalia answered."

"She thinks we're shape shifters."

Embry bit his lip, no doubt thinking of his own coming battle. "And? What was her reaction?"

"She wanted to me to either confirm or deny. She wanted to me to tell her our secret." It was getting harder to keep his emotions in a tight little box now. He wanted to scream. "She told me whatever it was, that she could handle it. She told me that if the wolf and I were one in the same, that it didn't matter, that she'd work through it."

Jacob and Embry both smiled.

Idiots.

Embry punched him joyfully in the shoulder. "About damn time you guys sorted this out. So if she reacted so well the news, why the hell do you look like shit?"

"I didn't tell her," each word was ground out and dripping in poison.

"What the hell do you mean, you didn't _tell her_?" Jacob's eyes flashed.

He was too vulnerable sitting down, so he stood up quickly, pushing them both back. Air. God, he needed air. He needed to breathe. Damn it, he needed _Claire_. "She was lying, _damn it_! She was trying to make me feel better! You had to be there, you had to see it," his hands came up before his face, their wild motions caught somewhere between pleading and angry, "the panic in her eyes. A million and one emotions written in that face. She was freaked out. She didn't want this. She didn't want this and damn it, I dragged her into it!" He laughed out loud, the sound so bitter he didn't recognize it as his own. "She called me a coward. Said I was too afraid to tell the truth. Told me she loved me. Told me if I walked out the door that she wouldn't ever speak to me again. And I walked. God help me, I walked."

Jacob gripped him by the shoulders, shaking him. "Tell me you didn't! Damn it, Quil, tell me you didn't!"

He snarled in response. "Pity! That's what she was giving me, pity! She didn't sign up for this shit! She didn't want a werewolf for a soul mate, alright?!"

"Stop with the self-pitying _bull shit_!" Embry's brown eyes flashed. "I've imprinted now, alright? I know. I know what it's like, first hand. Not just experiencing it through memories, but _living _with it. And what you're doing right now? It isn't for her anymore, it's for you! _You're_ being a fucking coward! You're so damn scared that she might not want you that you can't see how much she _does_ want you! Damn it, man, I _wish_ Natalia looked at me like Claire looks at you. She told you she loved you, and you threw it right back at her face!" Embry shook his head, hair waving around wildly with each jerky movement. "If you don't have the guts to fight for her, Quil, to fight for her even through all this bull shit we got thrown on us when we were sixteen, then you don't deserve her."

"Shut up!" His voice roared in his ears, and his entire body trembled; every muscle wanted to release, to let the animal in him out.

"No! Look at yourself, Quil, you're a disaster. I swear, if nothing else, I am going to fight for Natalia. And I'm going to give her a choice, Quil. If she doesn't want me, so be it, but I am going to be right there until she tells me to get the hell away from her."

"That's what I'm trying to do! I'm trying to give her a choice!"

"Bull shit, Quil," Jacob's voice was nothing short of harsh. "You aren't trying to give her a choice. You're making the damn decision for her. You need to talk to her, idiot."

He snarled again, and the twitching in his muscles increased. His thoughts were a mess. He couldn't sort out where one ended and another began. Oh god, what if they were right? What if they were right? What if…

He shoved his was out of the corner they'd put him into, palms slamming down on the door. In one leap he was out of the doorway, his body changing shape with the ease of years of practice. His paws hit the ground with desperate intensity, but this time, he didn't run away from Claire.

He ran to her.

He didn't want to, but he had to. If only for a second, he had to see her. See the blond hair, the blue eyes, the pale skin. Had to reassure himself that he was doing the right thing.

Sam was waiting for him when he bounded heedlessly into the backyard. The pack leader's eyes were hard, and his jaw was set.

"She's not here. She left. We don't know where she is." He couldn't speak, so Quil pleaded with his eyes. "No," Sam replied to his silent question, "I don't know if she's coming back. But if she does… don't come around here again. I understand the bond, Quil… but she's my niece, and I can't let you do this to her anymore."

Sam turned around quickly, his tall frame disappearing into this house. The door slammed.

"…_I swear Quil, if you walk away now, I don't want to see you ever again. If you can't be straight with me now… forget it. Forget everything."_

Oh, god. What the hell had he'd done?

Quil threw his head up and howled.


End file.
